talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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