Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
