Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My dick has a subreddit
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
