you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
