FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
