Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
