All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize