Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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