she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
