When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize