im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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