that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
