you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
