this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
