If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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