im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
