When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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