Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
God gave him joint rollers for hands
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
