honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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