i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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