Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize