he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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