God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
