Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
and you fell through a lawn chair
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
