so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
