Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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