so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
