I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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