Reggie can tackle my bush.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
