you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
