it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
