he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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