You just made me feel so damn special
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
