I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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