I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
