Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
