You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
