Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
