She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
