I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
