Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
