At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
