I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
