U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
