i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
