I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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