If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
