my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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