wanna go halves on a baby?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
