I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
