my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
apparently the secret to your success is patron
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I party with great urgency now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
