I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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