dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
