I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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