shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
