i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
