I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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