I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
