They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
