So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
