I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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