Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
