So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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