Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
