Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
