You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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