Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
