First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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