I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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